Friday, January 11, 2008

Praying for momentum

Do you ever have those days where it seems like an enormous effort to do what you know you should do?

Yesterday was like that for me. Not with eating; I did OK yesterday with eating. But exercise - oh man! I did not want to work out.

I start work early enough that I can leave work relatively early if I get everything done. I can make it to 4:45 PM aerobics classes if the job is done and I manage to run out the door as soon as my work day ends. They're great classes, too - most days they're both cardio and strength training with free weights and dumbbells. I enjoy those classes.

But getting everything done here at the office has been hard lately. It's busy, my things-to-do list is out of control, and it doesn't help that I'm spending so durned much time here in bloggerland. As a result, getting to those classes hasn't been possible lately.

That doesn't mean I can't work out, though. There's always the option of going for a walk/run, and I have a stationary bike and dumbbells and a balance ball and a medicine ball here at home. They're in my living room. Classy, eh? We move it all to the garage before company comes over, I promise. Anyway, you'd think with it right there in the living room staring at me I'd be able to fairly easily talk myself into getting on the bike.


Yesterday I knew I should work out, but I did not want to do it. No sir, didn't wanna. This wouldn't have been such a problem except that I'd felt that way on Wednesday, too, so I skipped my workout Wednesday. I was due for a workout. Even so, I futzed around procrastinating for a couple hours, and eventually I started to get anxious, because there was this crazy battle going on in my head. I knew I should work out, I knew I'd regret not working out, I knew once I worked out I'd feel good about it, but no.

I. Did. Not. Want. To. Exercise.

What is up with that?

How is it that I can want something and not want it all at the same time? Because I do want the results. I do want to be healthy and slender and fit.

I finally got so mad at myself that I went and tried on my non-fitting too-small jeans. Then I went online and bought two sleeveless tops that I knew I needed great arms to wear.* Then I took off all my clothes and looked at my thighs in the mirror and finally ... FINALLY ... I got on my exercise bike and did 30 minutes of cardio. Ideally I would have liked to do more, but it was late by the time I finally did it. Plus, the motivation just wasn't there. Something is better than nothing.

This morning, part of me feels like I should look back on that whole thing as a victory. I finally did it, right? But the whole process was so unpleasant that I don't see it that way.

And the unpleasantness? That was all ME causing it! I did it to myself! How messed up is that? I'm having a hard time considering it a victory. I just feel beat down.

I think ... I hope ... that once I get back into the pattern of working out, this will get easier. Last year I started working out in early October, and I think it got easier from late October to early December. (I wish I had a blog back then to look back on to see if I'm right.) I hope I'm right. I hope that once I get the momentum going again this becomes easier.

This mental battle sucks, quite frankly. It is exhausting. I am weary.

On a brighter note, the scale is down today. Maybe when I'm not so tired I'll get more excited about that.

And on another bright note, it is Friday. Hooray for Friday.

I'm going to talk myself into getting motivated about exercise even if it kills me ... I've got to get that momentum going.

* These were total bargains. I love after-holiday sales, and it is killing me that I'm not taking advantage of the clearance clothes because my arse is bigger than it will be after I lose weight.


Kate said...

Hooray for Friday!

You don't know how many times I've bought exercise equipment for the house only to later sell it basically unused. I've learned there is no way in hell I am going to work out at home, no matter how much I say I am going to.

I also have the battle where I try to make excuses not to work out, but once I do just suck it up, and go do it, I usually feel so much better!

Maybe the scale being down today was its way of rewarding you for the cardio yesterday :)

Ashley said...

Of course it was a victory! And you even agreed with me on my post that exercise can make you feel so good.. but good job for doing it!

When nthing sounds good to me, I'll take a walk. It's proven that walks can change your whole mood. Bring your husband, a friend, a dog, something! and get out there!

Amy said...

That's the thing about exercise.

If we wait until we *want* to do most likely will not happen.

If I waited until I wanted to do the dishes, fold the laundry, dust, shave my legs, get my teeth cleaned, have a pap smear, etc. It would never happen. Dishes would pile high, laundry would be wrinkled, teeth would get nastified...and my woohoo well who knows what would happen down there.

Point is, you know the point. Sucks but there are things we just gotta git done that we don't feel like doing.

Yeah for the scale being down! Can you taste the 130's?!

HappyBlogChick said...

Kate - maybe you're right. Thank you, scale! I definitely understand that working out at home is a challenge. What has worked best for me in the past is to leave my office (which used to not be at home), go to the gym, and not allow myself to go home until I work out. I was super-consistent back then. Now that I work from home I'm already home, so I can't really do that anymore!

Ashley - Thanks for your supportive words. That's a good idea about the walk. Maybe I can borrow my neighbor's dog. My cat would be VERY angry if I put her on a leash and tried to walk her. :-)

Amy - Yep. I know the point. And yesssss, the 130's are so very, very close. When I see that 139 show up, I'm going to do a cartwheel. Naw, better not try it. I may break something, and then I definitely won't want to exercise.

Katy said...

I LOVE your process to working out! I think I need to start doing those things when I don't feel like working out.

HappyBlogChick said...

Katy - it did the trick for me. It was hard, though. Slapping yourself in the face with reality is NO FUN.

EC said...

That sounds like me everyday! LOL... but you did it and that is what count!

And by the way, my yoga ball, pilates mat, dumbbells, everything except the treadmill are in my living room too, lol.

It just seems like I'll be more apt to exercise if they are all in front of me!

Great job on the weight loss this week!!!

Our Wicked Weighs

ThickChick said...

Haha, I am familiar with this feeling! I saw a Nike Running ad that I ripped out of the magazine and put on my fridge. It shows a fit girl running and it says something to the effect of "If you'd gone for a run when you first started thinging about it, you'd be home by know." Truer words never spoken. Some weeks, everyday is a struggle, you know?

HappyBlogChick said...

Erin - well, I definitely EAT more if it is in front of me; I figure maybe if the exercise stuff is in front of me I'll do more of it. Hopefully. It's certainly hard to ignore!

thickchick - that is a great ad. So true, so true!

Amy said...

A couple weeks ago I did a somersault to show my 1-1/2 DD. HOLY flippin crap it hurt! I guess my torso is just longer and stiffer now!

Now a cartwheel...I think I could handle that better. As long as my hand doesn't squish is some dog doo.

Dori said...

hi! i saw your message in my blog about brunch-y things. i'll have to think about it since i'm not a "brunch" person but i'll bet i could come up with a few good ideas. i have a billion recipes bookmarked and a alot of them are breakfast/brunch related. i'll let you know!

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