Saturday, January 12, 2008

Who are you, and what did you do with my husband?

I have no time no time no time to post, but I'm doing it anyway.

I have to work this weekend, which is a rare and horrible thing. I want to get back to it ASAP so I can finish work if at all possible. It would be good to be able to enjoy my Saturday night and my Sunday. I'm taking a break to share an interesting development in my world.

My husband is a wonderful man who I adore. His Achilles heel is fitness, though. Growing up he was always told he'd be skinny like his father, so he never learned anything about nutrition or exercise. He has a sweet tooth that takes up his whole mouth, and he was raised in the south where fried chicken and BBQ reigned supreme and being a smoker was the norm. Not surprisingly, he's slightly overweight and his cholesterol is high (although it's managed by meds). He quit smoking around 7 years ago when we were dating because he knew I wouldn't marry a smoker, but his eating and exercise ... ugh. They improved a little over the years we've been together, but until October when I talked him into going to the trainer with me he'd never really focused on nutrition or exercise.

Well ... things are changing! He's been talking about calories and exercise, both with me and with some of our friends. He's jumping on the scale, and he's enjoying the dropping numbers. I see him making better food choices. And he's going to the gym not just on Monday when we see the trainer, but at least one more day (if not two more days) of the week.

Woo hoo!

What prompted this post? This morning we talked about going to the gym together, after we both finish work* for the day. If this happens, it will mark the first time we'll have gone to the gym to work out together on a day that we weren't working out with our trainer.


I would love to work out with my husband on weekends. It would be so much easier to talk myself into getting to the gym over the weekend if we're going together.

My fingers are crossed that we do go, and that it is the first of many weekend gym trips. Yay!

In other news, work was so awful yesterday that when I finished up in the evening, I put on the Grey's Anatomy episode that I'd DVR'd and cried like a baby.**

I hope work gets better soon. It's casting a big shadow over what would otherwise be a very sunshiny and beautiful time, what with the husband's new interest in fitness and my weight loss and "meeting" all of you. I'm so grateful for the support you've provided - thanks, guys!

*Stupid work - both of us are supposed to be M-F people, and both of us are working today. In the words of Homer Simpson, work stinks!

** I would never, never, ever do this in sight or sound of anyone I work with. But on my couch after business hours, sometimes ya just gotta let it out.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Praying for momentum

Do you ever have those days where it seems like an enormous effort to do what you know you should do?

Yesterday was like that for me. Not with eating; I did OK yesterday with eating. But exercise - oh man! I did not want to work out.

I start work early enough that I can leave work relatively early if I get everything done. I can make it to 4:45 PM aerobics classes if the job is done and I manage to run out the door as soon as my work day ends. They're great classes, too - most days they're both cardio and strength training with free weights and dumbbells. I enjoy those classes.

But getting everything done here at the office has been hard lately. It's busy, my things-to-do list is out of control, and it doesn't help that I'm spending so durned much time here in bloggerland. As a result, getting to those classes hasn't been possible lately.

That doesn't mean I can't work out, though. There's always the option of going for a walk/run, and I have a stationary bike and dumbbells and a balance ball and a medicine ball here at home. They're in my living room. Classy, eh? We move it all to the garage before company comes over, I promise. Anyway, you'd think with it right there in the living room staring at me I'd be able to fairly easily talk myself into getting on the bike.


Yesterday I knew I should work out, but I did not want to do it. No sir, didn't wanna. This wouldn't have been such a problem except that I'd felt that way on Wednesday, too, so I skipped my workout Wednesday. I was due for a workout. Even so, I futzed around procrastinating for a couple hours, and eventually I started to get anxious, because there was this crazy battle going on in my head. I knew I should work out, I knew I'd regret not working out, I knew once I worked out I'd feel good about it, but no.

I. Did. Not. Want. To. Exercise.

What is up with that?

How is it that I can want something and not want it all at the same time? Because I do want the results. I do want to be healthy and slender and fit.

I finally got so mad at myself that I went and tried on my non-fitting too-small jeans. Then I went online and bought two sleeveless tops that I knew I needed great arms to wear.* Then I took off all my clothes and looked at my thighs in the mirror and finally ... FINALLY ... I got on my exercise bike and did 30 minutes of cardio. Ideally I would have liked to do more, but it was late by the time I finally did it. Plus, the motivation just wasn't there. Something is better than nothing.

This morning, part of me feels like I should look back on that whole thing as a victory. I finally did it, right? But the whole process was so unpleasant that I don't see it that way.

And the unpleasantness? That was all ME causing it! I did it to myself! How messed up is that? I'm having a hard time considering it a victory. I just feel beat down.

I think ... I hope ... that once I get back into the pattern of working out, this will get easier. Last year I started working out in early October, and I think it got easier from late October to early December. (I wish I had a blog back then to look back on to see if I'm right.) I hope I'm right. I hope that once I get the momentum going again this becomes easier.

This mental battle sucks, quite frankly. It is exhausting. I am weary.

On a brighter note, the scale is down today. Maybe when I'm not so tired I'll get more excited about that.

And on another bright note, it is Friday. Hooray for Friday.

I'm going to talk myself into getting motivated about exercise even if it kills me ... I've got to get that momentum going.

* These were total bargains. I love after-holiday sales, and it is killing me that I'm not taking advantage of the clearance clothes because my arse is bigger than it will be after I lose weight.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Addendum: A drawback

One note regarding my sushi-related post below.

I'm up one pound today (vs. yesterday). I'm sure it's at least in part water weight from eating soy sauce with my sushi two days in a row. That miso soup probably didn't help either.

So be forewarned! If you're weighing in for The Biggest Loser tomorrow, today is NOT the time for sushi.

I'm just sayin'.

(And for anyone new to my blog, please read this post if you're curious about my daily weigh-ins.)

Drink the Kool-Aid

I had these great plans to share some of my favorite points-friendly products with you today. That didn’t pan out - I want to take pictures of the products, but I’ve thrown away the packaging. Maybe another time with that post.

Instead, I’m going to share yesterday’s lunch with you.

Well, I’m not actually going to share my lunch per se; that would be awfully hard given that 1.) I already ate it, and 2.) although the Internet thing has done quite well, technology wizards have not yet created the Eaternet.

Back to the lunch. Yesterday I had a boring lunch … a Lean Cuisine frozen entrée. Not original, I know. And even worse, after I ate the Lean Cuisine, I realized that I had leftover sushi in the fridge! I’d forgotten to eat my leftover sushi from Tuesday night! What a shame. A shame verging on tragedy, in my world view.

I do love sushi.

Sushi … there are very few low points/low cal meals in which you can enjoy a salad (dressing on the side, please), soup, a veggie-tastic appetizer, and a variety of entrées. Variety comes into play since you can have a little nori maki and a little nigiri sushi, and/or different types of fish … mmm mmm mmm. Good stuff. On top of that, you might have leftovers.

Regarding the leftovers, I’m not a complete lunatic. I’m not talking about eating days old raw fish. I do eat the raw fish varieties of sushi (mmmmm diphyllobothrium), but those aren’t the ones that come home with me. There are plenty of cooked or veggie sushi options … California rolls, cucumber rolls, unagi (eel), some places have seared tuna, anything with shrimp, etc. etc. And even with the cooked sushi I make sure I’m eating any leftovers the very next day.

Thus the shame-verging-on-tragedy. If I was to enjoy the leftover sushi, I needed to enjoy it yesterday. And I’d already used my points for my lunch, and I planned to eat dinner with my husband.

In the past during some of my less Weight Watchery moments I might have just scarfed down the leftovers on impulse, then regretted it and beat myself up about it. Instead, I waited until I was hungry for an afternoon snack, I looked at the points I’d already used, I looked at how many points the sushi would be, I estimated how many points I’d be using the rest of the day for other food, and I contemplated my upcoming weekend to decide if I needed to save all or just some of my flex-points.

I worked the numbers. I considered my priorities.

And I ate the sushi.


I essentially ate two lunches, and I didn’t feel guilty, and I didn’t go off plan, and it didn’t throw off my day or my week or my game or anything.

I’m not a Weight Watchers sales person, and I feel like some sort of brainwashed cult member saying this in a public forum, but yesterday made me very grateful for Weight Watchers. They did a good job of giving me some flexibility and helping me make a choice without regret. There are a few things about the program I don’t like (we’ll talk about that some other time), but they do provide some good tools and guidance.

So, the moral of this story is … sushi rocks.

No, wait, that’s not the moral. The moral of this story is drink the Kool-Aid, trust me, drink the Kool-Aid ...

Nononono, that's not it either.

Whatever, forget the whole moral thing. We can be immoral instead. Basically, I wanted to share this with you because it felt so good to indulge, but also be in control. It is a nice change after my out of control indulgences over the holidays.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Watch out. She's just a little irrational right now.

This morning has not been smooth sailing for me. In the grand scheme of things, there's nothing terribly wrong, but I'm cranky anyway.

I weigh in at very close to the same time every day. Every day I watch the clock, and I aim to hop on the scale every morning between 8 AM and 9 AM. This time is technically after my office hours begin, but it works OK for me because I work from home. I don't like to weigh in earlier because I like to be fully awake and rational before I jump on the scale. In all honesty, I can't handle seeing those numbers until after my first cup of coffee. Plus, if I go into our bathroom and weigh in any earlier, I wake up my husband whose work schedule runs later than mine.

Well, some jackass scheduled me for an 8 AM meeting this morning which lasted an hour. I had another meeting that started at 9 AM and lasted an hour. And now, I have some man here in the house working on a minor plumbing issue, so I don't want to take off all my clothes to jump on the scale.* This all means I haven't weighed myself today. Which means I don't know where I stand from a weight perspective, and I am hoping for a drop based on how I've done over the last few days, and now I won't know for sure until tomorrow because I don't trust the numbers if I don't weigh in at the same time, and IT IS MAKING ME CRANKY.

Sorry for yelling.

To top all of that off, there is a remarkable amount of jackassery at work at the moment. I have people who I emailed a month ago and who didn't reply until yesterday pressing me to quickly finish work that I could have done a month ago if they'd just replied to my damned email. Now their delay in responding is my problem, and I don't have the power to tell them to BITE IT like I'd really enjoy doing. Plus, other projects are also urgent, and still other projects are being poorly managed, which is out of my control but will come back and haunt me later.

I am feeling cranky this morning. My employers would not appreciate me blogging on company time, but I need a break or my head might explode.

The irony is that even though I'm feeling cranky and I'm writing about it on a weight loss blog, I don't think** I'm doing poorly when it comes to the whole weight loss thing. On Monday I ate well and went to the gym and had a great workout, yesterday I ate well and tried to recover from my great workout, and I have every intention of eating well and working out today. I'm trying to focus a little more on the good health guidelines, I've forgiven myself for the Christmas/New Years eating-everything-in-sight fiasco ... all in all, things are good in Weight Watchers-land. Well, except that I haven't weighed in (grrrrrrr....).

I am thankful that this cranky state of mind is not usually a trigger for me to overeat. Some emotional situations do challenge me ... OK, many emotional situations challenge me. This one could become a challenge if it continues too long, which is why I need to pull myself out of this pissy mood.

My hope is that if I eat on plan, prioritize my work with buy-in from higher ups (higher-ups in my department aren't irrational in most cases, thank goodness, it's other departments I have to worry about), get some exercise to work off some of this tension, and maybe go drink a shit-ton of beer ... oh no, wait, scratch that last one. I'm kidding about the beer.

But seriously, I'm hoping that if I can take some positive steps now I can prevent overeating problems later. I'm an emotional eater, and I've realized that recognizing and managing my emotions is the best way to handle this sort of thing. With emotional eating (at least for me), the problem isn't exactly the eating. The eating is a way of trying to deal with the emotions. When I overeat in emotional and/or stressful situations, it's because I haven't found, or at least haven't used, effective alternatives to cope with my emotions.

So, if you guys have any suggestions on how to stifle my desire to strangle some coworkers effectively cope with frustrating situations, I'm game for hearing them. I don't mean specifically with this specific job situation (this one I've got a handle on - prioritization and re-setting expectations should work fine once it's done, it's just an unpleasant process), but with frustrations and stresses throughout life in general.

How well do you cope with stress? What works for you?

* Yes, OK, this means I take off all my clothes during business hours. Daily. Sue me - I work from home. It takes less than two minutes, and no one sees this behavior (well, except my husband who is getting ready for work, but he just enjoys the view). It's not like I'm standing there buck naked*** in the middle of a bunch of cubicles.

** But I don't know, do I? Damned meeting schedulers and plumbers and grumble grumble grumble grumble ...

*** I'm pretty sure I'm officially a geek, since I felt the need to look up the term "buck naked" because I was interested in where the saying originated.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Quick note

I did indeed make it to the gym last night.

I'll post something about that, or fitness, or Weight Watchers, or SOMETHING on-topic soon. In the meantime, I'll (hopefully) entertain you with the post below.

If I offend you, I apologize. But I was amused.

This post is very off-topic when it comes to fitness, but when something makes me laugh my self control for topic editing goes out the window and I have to share.

Like most folks, I have my blog set up so that I get an email when comments are posted. Last night I checked email, and I saw that a couple people commented. One of the comment emails I got last night said:

“Your pussy scares me.”

Sweet jay-zus! Who is posting these things on my blog? I’m no prude, but I about had a heart attack. What had I said or done to elicit that kind of comment? What do they have against my weight loss journey?

I look at the email more closely.

Um, yeah. That wasn’t a comment on my blog. When I’d visited another blog a few days ago, I commented and selected the option to be emailed when additional comments are made. That was a comment on this blog* .

Ahhhhh! That makes so much more sense, really.

So this morning I just want to say thanks for the comments … and thanks for not commenting about my pussy. Pussy comments freak me out.

*Don’t be scared to click through – it it isn’t porn. It's just an entertaining blog I’ve followed through the years. Check out some of her other posts too.

Monday, January 7, 2008

I don't like Mondays

Can I just say …

I don’t like Mondays!

These people at my job seem to expect me to work today. What’s up with that?

I’m kidding. I like my job, but I’m feeling a little slammed at the moment. The post-holiday wave of work didn’t hit me last week, but it sure knocked me on my arse this morning.

Monday. *sigh* It’s my first five day workweek in many weeks.

I’m trying very hard not to pout about work. Today, even in all its Monday-ness, isn’t all bad. Today begins my first seven day week of being full-on dedicated to eating well and working out in 2008.

From a Weight Watchers standpoint, my new week of points begins today. Ahhh, the joy of all my flexpoints right there ready for me! And the opportunity to earn activity points, too! Halleluiah for new weeks and fresh starts. The mishaps and slip-ups of the weeks prior are behind us. And I don’t know about you, but I had some rather large mishaps and slipups over the past couple weeks.

There is something else for me to be joyous about, too. Today is my first day back to the gym in weeks. Seriously. I know after the last few posts you probably doubt me about making it to the gym and working out. But you see, I've been holding out. I have a secret weapon. Monday nights are my nights to go to meet my husband and a friend of ours, and we workout together. After we do 20-30 minutes of warm-up and cardio together, then guess what? We meet with a trainer for 60 minutes of ass-kicking … er… I mean strength and interval training.

Before October, I wasn’t on board with the trainer thing. I had a really hard time with the cost (have I mentioned my cheap tendencies?). Plus, I honestly felt like I didn’t need it. I figured workouts on my own and in aerobics/group fitness classes would benefit me just as much. But I was wrong.

You heard me. Wrong. I was wrong.

I originally decided to get a trainer because my husband kept talking about working out, and it never ever happened. Plus, I was exercising, but only intermittently. Really, though, I was more worried about him than me – he’s never been in a regular workout routine, and he doesn’t know much about health and fitness. I’ve been in workout mode on and off and I have half a clue about eating well, but I can only help so much (and there’s only so much he wants to hear from me, in all honesty). As time passes, I get more and more worried about his health.

So, we decided we’d give it a shot with a trainer. To offset the cost, we chose to do the training together and invited a friend to join us. We’ve been working out with our trainer once a week since mid-October (except for the weeks of Christmas and New Years. Our trainer had the audacity to go on vacation. How dare she?).

Working with a trainer has been better than I imagined. Meeting with her once a week really keeps me focused. I’m accountable to her, my husband, and my friend, so it’s really hard to slack completely during the rest of the week. Plus, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been before.

Want me to move all your furniture? Why, I’d be happy to!

Anyway, today I’m back to the gym and back to consistently tracking my food and their points values. Know what that means? I will be able to fit back into my jeans before too long.

Hooray for today!

Oh, lunch is over – back to work.

Did I mention, I don’t like Mondays? (And for those of you familiar with the song, no, I’m not going on a shooting spree … I won’t even go on an eating binge.)

Sunday, January 6, 2008

A quickie (update, that is)

Nope, no gym or workout yesterday, either. The weight numbers I've logged over the last day or two aren't telling the whole story - I've been eating well the last few days but not moving my bod, and so the weight is dropping but my body fat percentage isn't. Not that body fat percent changes that quickly, but it's still something to ponder. Maybe I'll need to add a body fat percentage tracker to the blog, too.

My scale is a Tanita BC-534 with all kinds of bells and whistles. It gives me weight, % body fat, % body water, bone mass, and "metabolism age" (whatever that is). I bought it when I reached goal last time in hopes that I could maintain by weighing and tracking. That worked for a while, but apparently weighing and tracking but also eating everything in sight doesn't really keep me slender. Who knew?

OK, I also stopped getting on the scale eventually. That didn't help either.

Anyway, the scale's body fat measurement isn't perfect, but it seems to line up fairly well with the gym numbers, and I figure it's fine for measuring trend.

Hmmm ... yeah, I should add that table, or add to the current table. Keep an eye out over the next week for body fat info.

Speaking of the tracking tables, I need to give a shout-out to Amy for giving me the idea of adding a scrolling table to track my weight. I wasn't quite sure how to record all the daily weigh-in numbers without it eventually becoming crazy-long. Thanks to Amy, problem solved!